I was sitting in a pub with a very good friend and we were trying to remember how long it was since we last saw each other. It was over a year. A year had passed by since we last met up. This was a very good friend. If we enjoyed each others company so much why didn’t we hang out more?
We analysed the cause of our sporadic and rapidly declining engagements and concluded that something always came up. A last minute assignment at work that must go out the door that evening, the evening you planned to sink a few pint with your life-long friend. A call from the wife that she’s got the sniffles and needs a Netflix and chill night, the night you planned to recount and laugh at tales from your once fabulously interesting past with your co-conspirator, your friend. Perhaps you’ve got the sniffles yourself, or it’s all just too much effort and you can no longer be arsed. Lets say 3 of you were going to meet up and one of them calls up last minute to rain-check. Do the two friends still meet up? My guess is no. And this theory scales to larger groups, get one bailer and the whole group agrees to sack it in and rearrange. It takes only one flake to crumble the entire group.
This happens the first time, so you rearrange but this time Fred’s Aunt’s dog has passed away and need consoling so the group decide it’s not worth meeting up this time either, not without Fred. However, the difference this time is that they only agree to rearrange. Months pass by without a word until one of the group will suggest they should go for that beer they have been planning. Everyone agrees, but after a few attempts to find an available date someone has always got something else on, which is clearly more important than meeting up with friends.
We deal with this through the illusion of friendship. Chatting on whatsapp gives ourselves the illusion that they are still all very much in touch and abreast of each others lives but no memories can ever be created on whatsapp and further more, no true friendships can truly exist on whatsapp as friendships are face to face, interacting, reacting, laughing together not just when you happen to review bubbles of text behind the black mirror on your smartphone.
It was so easy to meet up with friends in the good old days before other responsibilities came in to rearing their ugly heads. The reason why we don’t meet up very often is due to work, partners and the eroded force of fomo which was so prevalent in days gone by.
Its completely acceptable that your partner should take centre stage and building a career a close second but at the full expense of your existing and now withering friendships? Friendships and meeting old and new faces is so important to wellbeing and a happy life and is at the very heart of TC. Furthermore, who is creating the new stories to reminisce in the future? There is a need to fill our lives with adventures today so that we have something to enjoy tomorrow creating a ‘friendship cycle’.
So we know why friends often fail to meet up and we understand the importance of creating new stories today so that when we do meet up in the future we have something interesting to talk about but the next question is how can we make this happened and ensure the friendship cycle is not broken? The answer is TC which ensures friendships remain healthy through regular interaction, ensures friendships last through commitment and ensures our lives are enriched by the friendships we have created.
To ensure friendships remain healthy you need regular interaction
Most good friends these days, that are actually pretty disciplined in meeting up, may see each other a few times a year. Even in these scenarios, months and months can pass by without seeing each other. In these months, you might have moved house, had a baby, got a new job, a new girlfriend, divorce or some other big life changing event. Wouldn’t you have wanted to have involved your friendships in some of these decisions and events for support and advice? Or perhaps just sharing some of their excitement or woes with them as their life goes through massive changes. Isn’t this what true friendship is?
To keep abreast of your friend’s lives and them abreast of yours I believe you need to see each other at the very minimum monthly. TC gives everyone that basic level of interaction through agreement to meet up on the last Thursday of every month. TC does encourage extra curricula social engagements as more interaction will fuel greater and closer friendships.
- TC meets on the last Thursday of every month without fail
To ensure friendships last you need commitment
As we have discussed it only takes one flake to crumble the group. Commitment is of paramount importance to TC. There will always be an excuse to not meet up whether Fred has bailed or you are feeling a little be tired but TC will not allow this nor tolerate it. You understand the importance of friendship and the importance of meeting up and creating new memories which extends beyond yourself. Just because something else has come up, you need to prioritise your friends as you are not just killing your friendships but other friendships too. Don’t be like Fred. By you bailing because you’re a bit tired you are not only preventing yourself from nurturing friendships but preventing others from nurturing theirs as the event will no longer be taking place.
We have seen first-hand how difficult it is to arrange a union of friends and how one person’s lack of commitment undoes the entire process resulting in a cycle of never meeting up ultimately leading to the end of friendship but not before the illusion of friendship has ensured its slow death. TC will only enlist the committed individuals and to ensure this the group will only invite the most committed of his friends and ensure that they are aware of the commitment required and understand the rationale for the stringency. Commitment is directly measured by attendance at events. Any TC member who misses an event will be issued with a black mark. If 2 black marks are received in a calendar year that person is removed from TC.
- TC only recruits committed individuals, a lack of commitment is not tolerated
To ensure our lives are fully enriched and our friendships prosper you need variety
It’s all well and good to have a group of friends that are committed to meeting regularly but to ensure that our lives are enriched by these friendships it’s important to ensure every event gives us a new experience; an experience shared with others that will one day be reminisced as the friendship circle continues to loop.
TC provides this by ensuring every event adheres to all 3 underlying principles – to be Curious, Original and Noteworthy. Furthermore, each event is invented by a different person to bring in fresh ideas and perceptions whilst sharing the burden of organisation. Events organised in this manner ensure that our friendships are enriched and motivated.
- TC events must always be CON Curious, Original and Noteworthy